Geek Talks

Herding Cats: How To Be A Successful Admin
Speaker: Mailboxhead

Mailboxhead shares how he keeps the geeks actually playing somewhat coordinated matches even though no one reads his emails, downloads the custom maps or even remembers the website address.

Come learn about the rule of 70 (if you repeat it 70 times, 70 different ways, they still wont' get it), the 50/50 theory (If you tell them 50 different ways, 50% are still going to ask "what happened?!?") and MBH's Wednesday Night DDoS predictions as no one installs custom maps.

Raging with Dignity
Speaker: Edge

Come learn how to explode with rage, destroy your own equipment, burn down your neighbor's shed and come back for the next round sounding like nothing every happened.

Join Edge as he relives his most rage filled moments and how he gracefully recovered sounding like a dignified diplomat.

Shhhh... Clutch Play Tips
Speaker: Nuticles

Stuck in a tough clutch situation? Team talking like a squad full of geese? Come learn the power of the "Shush" and other Nuticles secrets.

Please note there will be absolutely no talking, breathing or eye blinking during this session as to not upset the speaker.

HMG Trends for 2021
Speaker: Yakobay

Enraged your entire clan with your Negev? Lined up the opposing team and mowed them down before you even fired your 50th bullet? Getting bored with sweeping away your opponents by simply holding down your mouse and sliding it across your mouse pad?

Come learn from the Negev master Yakobay as he shares insights about where to go next and the allure the M249 holds for HMG lovers.

The Power of Silence
Speaker: Warrior

"Hey guys."

"GGs."

You'll hear far more headshots from Warrior than you will hear words. Come join him for a quiet, meditative session where the audience will silently reflect on why words are wasted on Wednesday nights.

How I Genetically Engineered a CSGO Champion
Speaker: DEngine

The truth is out. Come hear DEngine tell all about the origination of Dream and where his skills truly came from.

DEngine knew the moment he saw the original Half-Life in 1998 that he needed to create the ultimate virtual killing machine. Partnered with genetic design laboratories over 5 years in underground Connecticut labs, he mastered the perfect sequence that would come together to create the CSGO Dream the pwns the Geekfest today.

Shopping While Pwning Old People
Speaker: Dream

You may think that his triple headshot through a wall with a nerf gun while jumping off a ledge blinded in smoke was impressive, but did you know he did that while working at Best Buy AND shopping for a new PS5 at the same time?

Somewhere around July, Dream realized that in order to keep his elders somewhat believing they might one day beat him he needed to play distracted. He has since layered on distraction after distraction to try and nerf his skills. Come see how to be uber productive when playing people whose reaction time is minutes slower than yours.

GF Camping
Speaker: Ogre

Know Ogre is around that corner? Been sitting there waiting him out for the last 3 minutes of the game? You bet you have. And when you KNOW he's no longer there, you KNOW nobody could possibly sit in one spot THAT long waiting for you - you go around the corner and he kills you.

Camping is what Ogre's do best. Come learn the secrets of out waiting your opponenets and how to get the March of The Ogres played at your funeral too.

Go Your Own Way
Speaker: Cucumber

Do you hate how your team pulls together? Can't stand that they are all coordinating to go in one direction? Come learn from the master on how to go your own way.

The secret is to wait until they are ALL in and then you do whatever you want. They'll never see it coming and all those uncontested kills are yours for the taking.

GET HIM TO THE CHOPPA...
Speaker: Duckhead

He may not pwn the leaderboards, but Duckhead kills it with the one liners. Come hear Duckhead's greatest Arnie hits like "SEE YOU AT THE PARTY RICHTER!" and his hostie favorite, "GET HIM TO THE CHOPPA..."

AFK
Speaker: PizzaDestiny

Tired of that stupid AFK designation? See something more interesting while in the middle of a competitive match and need to step away?

Come join Pizza Destiny as he shows that going out for pizza while playing a game is easy. Just walk away. He'll share his secret of building a brand around AFK so your team mates just gets used to it.

Keep Em Guessing
Speaker: Kamikazee Geek

If you're tired of having a reputation as a certain class of player, then Kamikazee's talk is for you. Gold tier this season, bronze the next. Want silver, no problem? Keep them guessing as to how well you really play from month to month.

warning excessive alcohol consumption may contribute to the success of Kamikazee's strategy and is not recommended for minors

Life Is a Penis and Other Cheeky Quips
Speaker: Harry

Feeling miffed and utterly knackered by the blokes you cock up each week? Harry guarantees you will be chuffed to the muff as he tells his opponents to sod off as they drop a clanger and go home gobsmacked.

You'll fall arse over tit and crease up as Harry takes the piss to the Wednesday night sausagefest with his cheeky and gobby quips.

Playing Through The Apocalypse
Speaker: Caldwell

There's no need for responding to alarms or any other warning signs where Caldwell lives. This man lives in a hardcore land where NOTHING will stop him from playing.

Come hear how he overcomes COVID, hunger and his entire building burning to the ground to keep improving his KDR in the geekfest.

Chill Under Fire
Speaker: Toze

Just clutch killed the entire team? Got the whole team screaming in excitement and energy soaring throught the stratosphere?!? You've got to be excited, right?

Nope. Come join Toze as he shares how to stay chill in even the tensest moments. With a bloodpressure of 20 over 10, Toze shares his secret to staying calm.

Gaming From Your GF's Barn in The Prairie
Speaker: Unthink

When Unthink heard he'd be living in a home where the buffalo roam, his first thought was "what about geekfest?"

Come learn how Unthink brought high speed internet to the state of Wyoming and established a gameable getaway in his girlfriend's barn.

Yee-Ha!

I Popped a Blood Vessel ... but I got better!
Speaker: Phos

Many thought Phos had been lost to the flash tanks of Total Annihilation or the cheap jeep rush of COH as he literally popped a blood vessel from rage, but GFXX:V sees his return.

Come learn whether sitting for years at the top of a mountain alone or buying a brand new Z can help you on the road to recovery.